My running partner and I have covered a lot of miles together. I have come to realize she is often the motivator and I’m the detractor. She is like sunshine and I’m like the rain. She soars and I drag my Asics. As we near the top of a steep hill I think “this is where I die” and she shouts “we got this!”
We both make the summit, but she knew we would while I worried I might trip, quit in anger, or suffer a major heart attack. Why am I like this? Is it the “glass half empty” mentality? Human tendency to focus on the negative? Bad habit? Can I blame my parents? Maybe yes to each of those. But the good news is there is a lot of research proving I can change my thoughts and feelings, no matter where they come from.
If you’re with me—in running or in anything else—here are four good ways to work toward change:
Fight negative thoughts. To do this, we must recognize our problematic thinking. Once we know it’s there, we can modify it with purposeful practice. Example: “this is where I die” becomes “I can do this. I am doing this!”
Experience and express feelings. This is called emotional attunement and it’s surprising how easy and how difficult it is. Once we are skilled at attunement we can use it to our advantage when dealing with relationships, stress, trauma, and lengthy uphill runs. Example: “I hate this and I feel like I might pass out on the sidewalk but dang it I’m gonna make it and SHOW THE WORLD IT DIDN’T BREAK ME!” (Okay, I got a little carried away there but you get the picture.)
Consider relationships wisely. If I only ran with other Negative Natashas I might never realize how much my bleakness affects me. I try to choose running partners, friends, and family gatherings that are positive, encouraging, and hopeful rather than grim, angry, and dysfunctional.
Go to counseling. A counselor can help us recognize the thoughts, feelings, and relationship patterns that need attention. A good counselor will run alongside us to the top of the steep hill.
-Teri Love CPC Student Therapist
To book an appointment with Teri or any of our therapists at Red Rock counseling, click here.